Brigadoon Rovers Chapter XVIII

By goatboyuk69
Last updated : 17 October 2003
(Mayhem has gripped the BRRFC storylines as an unknown Islamic fundamentalist has taken control of the plane carrying Mickey Finn to his new club, Real Sociopath, with plans to crash it into the Shyboy Excelsior on the day that Tony Blair begins his community service in the pie stall. Meanwhile, Big June has been exposed as a well known former Partick player with a big pair of t1ts and Finegan Swake has vowed to murder Alex Docherty.

Now read on................

The plane banked sharply from side to side as the passengers screamed. "Fur fecks sake," moaned Mickey Finn: "I know you!" The Arabic terrorist stared at the interrupting Irish dwarf. "You're Alan McInally! You used to be a Hindu mystic! And before that you played for Celtic, Ayr, Kilmarnock and Bayern Munich!" Finn screamed as the engines moaned. "Silence Infidel!" yelled McInally: "I realised, in my short time at Brigadoon Rovers, that the only way was the way of totally pointless violence! That is why I am prepared to kill myself and everyone else on this plane. In the name of peace!!!"

The plane banked sharply to the left. Finn could see the floodlights of the Shyboy Excelsior from the window.


Chico reveals all
"OK Hawkeye," said Big June: "It's a fair cop. For all those years I was the hard man of Scottish football. But I never felt comfortable in my skin. I used to go home and wear dresses around the hoose. I was Chic Charnley. I was a paradox inside a mystery locked inside Maryhill Police Station." The transgendered defender sighed: "But Chico died the day Big June was born! Get right intae these Celtic bassa's!!!"


"Wheeep" Stuart Dougal's whistle sounded the start of the third round CIS cup tie. Zorro trapped the ball with his sword as Alistair Alexander once again took up the story: "Welcome to this pulsating third round CIS cup tie at a windy Shyboy Excelsior. Lennon to take a free kick. No. He's too slow. Millar takes it. To Maloney. Beats his man. And another. And another. And another. Sensational from Maloney. To Millar. Double back flip and bicycle kicked back to Maloney. But the boards are up! Double substitution. Maloney and Millar go off. On come Raphael Sh1te and Tom Boyd."


"Feckin shower of useless cnts," yelled Docherty: "I'll feckin kill ye'se all" he paused to karate kick a 5 year old girl in the front row. Simon Weisanthal looked on in horror. He ran to his boss. "Gaffer. I think you've got that Toxoplasmosis off of cats that changes your personality!" He cried. "Feck off ya Jewish Bass," Rampaged Docherty: "nae pussy tells me how tae feel!!" Weisanthal produced a tiny kitten, mewling softly in his hand. "Kill it boss!" He yelled: "It's the only way to be free of the curse!" Docherty ran, snarling to the tiny, cute, ickle beastie and, with a scream, ripped off it's furry head. He collapsed to the turf. "Oh my God!" He yelled in contrition: "What have I been doing!! I'm sane again. And we're playin' Celtic!"


Partington Smythe dresses for the occasion
Alistair Alexander continued his commentary: "The score now 1-0 nil to Celtic. A bizarre penalty incident involving Henrick Larsson and an unusually large tripping Puffin. Brigadoon on the attack. McLaren to Orange, unfortunate memorabilia spilling from his pockets, to Partington Smythe, high ball to The Noo, glanced forward to Big June. Trapped by the transsexual. Moves forward. GOOOOALLLL!!!!! One all at the Shyboy Excelsior!!"

The game went on. "Pass from Lennon. No - far too slow. Back to Lambert. To Petrov! He falls over !! Penalty to Celtic in the dieing moments!" Stilian Petrov looked up at the antics of Dec out of Ant and Dec. "I vill score past this fool any time" he spat. A huge roar caught his ear. He glanced up. A huge passenger jet filled his vision, diving towards the stadium.

"Oh my God," Screamed Neil Lennon: "It's the Cardiff Celtic Supporters Club!!"

So what happens next? Will a huge fireball destroy all of the Celtic and Brigadoon players meaning I don't have to write this anymore? Will extremist Islamic fundamentalism succeed?

All this, and considerably less, will be explained in....Brigadoon Rovers 19!!!!!!

Editorial Team

Ger Harley (
Vanderhogg (


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