(Following Brigadoon's 143-0 crushing of Ayr United, slightly tougher than usual talking boss, Alex Docherty has attacked and killed a BBC reporter. Simon Weisanthal harbours doubts about his mentors apparent personality change. Meanwhile a gun attack on Docherty's home has produced suspicion that Finegan Swake, Docherty's son from a liaison with a disabled Alzheimer's sufferer, is responsible due to his incestuous longings for Adidas Docherty- daughter of Alex. Christ. What have I got myself into? The story continues.............Now read on!)
"Mr Blair. I am now ready to pronounce judgement," Lord Hutton paused and placed a black hankie atop his wig. Tony Blair stiffened and awaited the news. "Anthony Lytton Blair. You have been found guilty of taking this country to war on a false pretext. Namely that you thought it would be, and I quote, "a right laugh". You will be taken from this place," said the previously unknown legal dude: "and taken to another place" Blair looked on aghast. He looked up at the gallery where Cherie was weeping whilst a large, dark haired, Fifer was flicking V signs at him. "And from that place," continued Lord Hutton: "You will be taken to the Shyboy Excelsior Stadium, home of Brigadoon Rovers FC. There you will serve not less than three years community service working in the pie stall. May God Have Mercy On Your Soul"
"I'll kill you all you feckin filthy vermin trash!!! Die!!!!!!!!!!" Alex Docherty was shopping in Top Man. "I'm sorry sir" said the assistant "But our new range does not include a 56" waist with a 23" inside leg. Might I suggest the sale at The Officers Club?" Docherty's face was now puce with rage: "Feck you!!!!" he screamed, launching himself across the sales desk. Simon Weisanthal grabbed the rabid gaffer. "Oi vey!" He cried: "What has happened to the calm, yet occasionally psychotic, boss we used to know? It all started when he got that cat!"
Uncontrollable Alex Docherty
Mickey Finn sat back in his seat as the aircraft began it's climb. "Thank feck for that" He thought "Oim goin to moi dream club, Real Sociopath, and all moi previous convictions have been forgotten. Feck the Rovers. Feck Alex Docherty. And feck the ridiculous storylines I've had to put up with" With that he lay back and closed his eyes. "Allah ah ackbhar!!" An Arabic yell came from the front of the plane. A turbanned figure was holding a knife against the face of the chief stewardess. "Do your worst, filthy Arab. You'll never penetrate my make up with that!" She snarled. "We are in control of this plane" began the Islamic Jihadist " And we plan to crash it, at 3.30pm on Saturday, onto the Shyboy Excelsior Stadium!!"
Big June vomited once more into the turquoise toilet. "Morning sickness!" She moaned "I'd never have had this when I played for Partick" Half Scots Redskin Hawkeye The Noo leaned foward from holding her hair hair from her face: "You be heap fine, June. Or should me call you Chic?" Big June reeled in shock: "What do you mean?" She cried. "Me heap know why Chic Charnley suddenly disappear from national attention. You him!" the triumphant Redskin yelled.
Big June is no well
Finegan Swake sat in the darkness of his West End bedsit, polishing his weapon. "I'll never rest till my love for Adidas is recognised. And for that to happen I must remove the only obstacle. I must KILL ALEX DOCHERTY!!!"
Well? What happens next? Is Finegan Swake responsible for the gun attack on Docherty? Who is the mysterious Jihadist on Mickry Finn's plane? Will Tony Blair cope as a pie seller? What have cats got to do with Docherty becoming a right arse?
Look out for the next essential episode of --Brigadoon Rovers Chapter XVIII - The Two Towers. Oh - and they play Celtic.