Hawkeye stroked the ball into the net with practiced ease. "This heap embarrassing." Said the Semi-Redskin defender: "Me didn't know 8 year olds could play in senior league". As he trotted back for the re-start of the game, Hawkeye heard a voice from around waist level. "Haw mister" squeaked the Ayr centre bac: "Can ah huv yer shirt efter the game. Ma sister hus tae go aboot naked the noo"
As goal number 34 rolled into the unguarded Ayr net, Hawkeye turned to his captain, newly rehabilitated Kurt Hitler. "Heap p1sh. We go easy now." Hitler's eyes narrowed and he screamed: "Nein!!!" The ex-tabloid journalist possessed ex-Nazi was beside himself as he continued: "There vill be a final solution to ze Ayr problem!" Meanwhile, the ball sailed into the Ayr net for the forty third time. "Look boss" Simon Weisanthal pleaded to Alex Docherty: "This ain't football. This is genocide!" Docherty looked at the state of play and said coldly:. "Destroy them. Score till they drop!" Weisanthal scratched his head. "This is not the fair minded but tough talking boss I know" He said, half to himself.
The Brigadoon players trooped in at full time. Docherty seemed agitated as he screamed "Only 143 - nil!!!! You're all fined a weeks wages!! Not good enough!!" A BBC reporter approached: "Would you agree that that was an emphatic result Alex?" The journalist enquired. Docherty went red in the face as he turned and replied: "Don't you ever offer me that again!!!" The red faced gaffer lunged at the microphone proffering hack, beating him repeatedly around the face before smashing his head off the dressing room tiles until a bloody aureole surrounded his skull. "And that's what'll happen to anyone who questions me again. Understand!!!!!???" Screamed the mad faced boss. A silence fell upon the assembled players. Simon Weisanthal looked on aghast. He thought to himself: "I haf seen this kind of thing once before. It vill not happen again. By the Grace of God!!!"
As Alex Docherty prepared for sleep, his wife, Anne-Marie-Kelly-Anne-Marie, lay on the bed behind him. Without turning over the multi monikered missus said: "Honey? Have you put out the cat?" As he turned to the door in search of the cat, Docherty became aware of an unusual movement in the corner of his eye. Bullets shattered glass and sprayed the room. Docherty grabbed his wife and held her close to him. "The b@stards!" the gruff voiced gaffer said "I'll get them for this. If it's the last thing I do!!!!"
Who is attempting to kill Docherty this time? Finegan Swake? Simon Weisanthal? Scooby-Doo? Will Mickey Finn get his dream move to Real Sociopath? Will the sudden dropping of numerous story lines be noticed by anyone? Am I getting an increased sense of loneliness as I type in my tower of silence? All this will be answered in:
Next episode: Brigadoon Rovers vs Celtic!!!!!!