Brigadoon Rovers Chapter XVI

By goatboyuk69
Last updated : 05 October 2003
(Previous storylines having been utterly abandoned, though I might come back to Mickey Finn, The Rovers have been drawn against the mighty Glasgow Celtic in the third round of the CIS cup. First, however, they must get past the formidable obstacle of Ayr United in a tough league match at Fortress Somerset. Now read on....)

Hawkeye stroked the ball into the net with practiced ease. "This heap embarrassing." Said the Semi-Redskin defender: "Me didn't know 8 year olds could play in senior league". As he trotted back for the re-start of the game, Hawkeye heard a voice from around waist level. "Haw mister" squeaked the Ayr centre bac: "Can ah huv yer shirt efter the game. Ma sister hus tae go aboot naked the noo"

As goal number 34 rolled into the unguarded Ayr net, Hawkeye turned to his captain, newly rehabilitated Kurt Hitler. "Heap p1sh. We go easy now." Hitler's eyes narrowed and he screamed: "Nein!!!" The ex-tabloid journalist possessed ex-Nazi was beside himself as he continued: "There vill be a final solution to ze Ayr problem!" Meanwhile, the ball sailed into the Ayr net for the forty third time. "Look boss" Simon Weisanthal pleaded to Alex Docherty: "This ain't football. This is genocide!" Docherty looked at the state of play and said coldly:. "Destroy them. Score till they drop!" Weisanthal scratched his head. "This is not the fair minded but tough talking boss I know" He said, half to himself.


The Brigadoon players trooped in at full time. Docherty seemed agitated as he screamed "Only 143 - nil!!!! You're all fined a weeks wages!! Not good enough!!" A BBC reporter approached: "Would you agree that that was an emphatic result Alex?" The journalist enquired. Docherty went red in the face as he turned and replied: "Don't you ever offer me that again!!!" The red faced gaffer lunged at the microphone proffering hack, beating him repeatedly around the face before smashing his head off the dressing room tiles until a bloody aureole surrounded his skull. "And that's what'll happen to anyone who questions me again. Understand!!!!!???" Screamed the mad faced boss. A silence fell upon the assembled players. Simon Weisanthal looked on aghast. He thought to himself: "I haf seen this kind of thing once before. It vill not happen again. By the Grace of God!!!"


Hawkeye always has the answer
Mickey Finn sat on the bench. The mauling of Ayr United had occurred without his participation. "Aggie. would you stop sucking it for a minute?" He requested. "It's getting sore now. Thanks doll". Hawkeye sat on the bench next to the Irish magician: "What be problem Mickey. Heap unhappy look you". Finn looked up to the giant redskin: "Well Hawkeye. Oim the worlds greatest player and all. But Oi cant get a game against Ayr Unoited. And all because Oi was a paramilitary in me yout". The wily Redskin replied: "Me heap understand Mickey. In old days Me go to canyon in Linwood. Watch sunrise. See how to be a man. Give up and work for computer sales company. Then trial for Brigadoon. Never give up dream Mickey!" The midget winger leapt to his feet: "Yer roight Hawkeye. Oi'll do what generations of my forefathers have done. Oi'll lie on me application form. Real Sociopath here Oi come!!!"


As Alex Docherty prepared for sleep, his wife, Anne-Marie-Kelly-Anne-Marie, lay on the bed behind him. Without turning over the multi monikered missus said: "Honey? Have you put out the cat?" As he turned to the door in search of the cat, Docherty became aware of an unusual movement in the corner of his eye. Bullets shattered glass and sprayed the room. Docherty grabbed his wife and held her close to him. "The b@stards!" the gruff voiced gaffer said "I'll get them for this. If it's the last thing I do!!!!"


Who is attempting to kill Docherty this time? Finegan Swake? Simon Weisanthal? Scooby-Doo? Will Mickey Finn get his dream move to Real Sociopath? Will the sudden dropping of numerous story lines be noticed by anyone? Am I getting an increased sense of loneliness as I type in my tower of silence? All this will be answered in:

Next episode: Brigadoon Rovers vs Celtic!!!!!!

Editorial Team

Ger Harley (
Vanderhogg (


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