Brigadoon Rovers Chapter XI

By goatboyuk69
Last updated : 26 September 2003
(Following many incidents involving talking dogs, mental illness, assassination, genocide and Transexuality, the story appears to be making a vague attempt to be about football. A genie has granted alcoholic Irish winger Mickey Finn three wishes making him irresistible to women and the greatest player in the world as well as some ill-thought out stuff about world peace. However, uncompromising boss, Alex Docherty, has apparently vowed never to field the Irish wizard again. The story continues. Now read on.....)

"He'll never play for Brigadoon Rovers again!!" Stormed tough talking boss Alex Docherty. "What?" lisped gay physio Phil McCavity: "But he looks like the greatest player ever seen! And I'd like to take him roughly from behind before showing him my sliding tackle" Docherty repeated: "He'll never play for the Rovers again because we've just received a bid of £32 million from Spanish giants Real Sociopath!"


A vision of lovelyness - a joy to behold - Adidas
Finegan Swake threw down his paperback copy of the Ladybird Book Of Existentialism. "I will never understand those brilliant minds" the plooky, self important lover of outmoded concepts cried: "Sartre, Camus, Les Frere Chuckle - All beyond my grasp" He sighed. A vision walked in front of him. It said: "Are you finished wae that book? Only I
wanted to pose with it ootside GOMA" Swake felt a passion rise within him, unrepeated since that time he felt all self-righteous about the council estate being built near his mothers home. "Who are you" he asked, lost in love. "Ah'm Adidas. Adidas Docherty. An gonae feck off ya w@nk. Yer drooling on my baggies" She stomped off towards the Cathouse. Finegan was stunned. "I think I love her! Adidas! Say it loud and music is playing. Say it soft and someone is playing Nu-Metal in a teen disco"


A voice whispered in Kurt Hitler's ear as he sat, morosely, in front of a coding machine, the ghostly Richard Littlejohn by his shoulder: "Use the morse, Kurt, use the morse" The ex-Jew baiter protested: ."Vill you cease vith ze Star Wars puns at vunce". Littlejohn sneered: "Have you forgotten so quickly my concentration camp commanding friend? Your father's sprit is, as I speak, on a twenty eight hour coach ride from Auchtermuchty to Prague to watch Scotland surrender a two goal lead. To a half wit giant." Hitler sighed and nodded. "Send the telegram at once!" Littlejohn commanded. Hitler began half-heartedly bashing out the required dots and dashes.

Message-Unless Docherty -stop-makes deal with real sociopath -stop- he will never see Young Adidas' birthday-stop"

"He vill nefver understand zis" Hitler moaned. "I dont intend him to" the former Sun loony replied "I intend him to DIE!!"


Alex Docherty smiled at the ruinously alcoholic winger. "Mickey son" The gnarled no-sh1t taker said "I think I can guarantee you a glorious future in La Liga!" Mickey Finn stopped pirouetting in mid-air only to shake the lassies from admin from his impressive tadger. "But boss" He began: "Oi cant go! Oi've been denied a passport!!! And all because I planted that stink bomb in the supporters club in 1973!!"

The mark of Zorro
"El Boss!, El Boss!" It was Zorro: " I have el importante anounciamente" He handed over the telegram. "Oh my God!" Yelled the syphilitic club gaffer reading the message "If Mickey Finn doesn't go to
Spain, I'm A DEAD MAN!!!!" He fell to his knees: "AND IT'S ADIDAS'S BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!!!!"


Will Mickey Finn's minor offences against the Prevention Of Terrorism Act destroy his, BRRFC's and Alex Docherty's future? Will Finegan Swake move to act on his semi incestuous longings? Will Kurt Hitler escape the bonds Richard Littlejohn has placed upon him? All this and less will be answered in:

Brigadon Rovers XII - "Ah woo oh wooh ooh wooh oo
yaayhee I love you more than I can sayeee"

Editorial Team

Ger Harley (
Vanderhogg (


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