Brigadoon Rovers Chapter IXX

Last updated : 02 November 2003 By goatboyuk69
(Islamic Jihadists have taken control of the plane taking Mickey Finn to his new club, Real Sociopath, and plan to crash it into the Shyboy Excelsior duringthe Brigadoon - Celtic CIS cup game. The game stands poised at 1-1 as the plane dives towards the fiery deaths of everyone involved in this bollox. Meanwhile, Tony Blair has started his first day of community service serving pies at the stadium as Finegan Swake, lost son of manger Alex Docherty, plots his revenge on the man who prevent s the consummation of his affair with his half sister. Now read on.)

The engines roared in Mickey Finns ears. "And now the in-flight film" said a distant voice over the intercom: "Mr Bean Has A Pee Pee"
The passengers screamed in fear and horror as the plane went into a dive. "Oi'm fecked if Oi'm having this!" screamed Mickey Finn, leaping out of his seat. He ran towards the turbanned figure at the front of the plane. "Aieee Infidel" Screamed Alan McInally, turning in time to slash the Irish wing wizard across the chest. "Ye'll never win McInally" shouted Finn: "C'mon everyone. Let's roll!"

Petrov approached the ball as Dec out of Ant and Dec jiggled on the goal line. "Arrggh!" He collapsed to the ground and screamed: "Penalty Ref!" Neil Lennon stood on the pitch slackjawed as the jet liner pulled up from collision course. Suddenly he became aware of the diamante caped figure next to him. "That is heem", Cried Don Diego Del La Varga: "That is el Snowball, the world famous Albino ape escaped from Barcelona Zoo". The Irish midfielder found himself surrounded. "Okay. The games up. Oi'll go back to moi cage quietly" Lennon said, wearily. As he was led away Hawkeye turned to Andy McLaren: "Him Ape. But have you ever noticed heap resemblance between Alan Thompson and a Barracuda?"

William Orange syas well played to Martin O'Neil
The game resumed. "Celtic down to ten men. Actually, now you come to mention it, Alan Thompson does look a bit like a Barracuda." Alistair Alexander commentated: "Brigadoon attack, making the most of the spare man. Forward to McLaren. Hoovering up the white lines. Cross to Orange. Diving header! GOOOALLLL!! Brigadoon 2 Celtic 1. They'll be gloating unnecessarily about this on the messageboards tonight."


The trackside interviews were in full flow. Chick Young took his cue from the young producer and said: "Martin O'Neil, a poor result today?" The tiny Celtic boss shook his head. "Most certainly not!" He replied: "The boys were fantastically brilliant. They were perpendicously perspiratingly perpendicular! They were magicalilociously extaciolocious! They were incredibibliociously magicalacious".

"But you lost", replied the raccoon faced interviewer. "I know" replied O'Neil: "But we'll still gub the Huns"


As the plane resumed it's normal flight path Mickey Finn was struck with inspiration. "Wait a minute," He thought: "I'm Irish and I've got a plane. A budget Airline! Who wants to fly to Alicante for 23p?" He yelled. The passengers cheered. "Okay everyone" cried Finn " Welcome to FinnAir!!"!


Tony Blair put another pie in the oven and glanced up at the serving hatch. "Alistair Campbell! What are you doing here?" The shifty PM cried. "Sorry mate. My name's Chris Sutton. Can I have a Brigadoon Burger?"


Finegan Swake sighed and put the muzzel of his pistol to his temple. "If I can't have Adidas then I don't want to live" He moaned. "Don't be a phanny", a harsh voice interrupted: "We can run away together like in the papers and you can be made out to be a Romeo despite being a stoat the baw sex case beast". It was Adidas. "Of course Adidas" replied the pretentious ex-student: "All I need to do is drop some hints that I've shagged you. The press'll love it!" The young lovers embraced.


Hawkeye and Andy McLaren were driving home after the game. "Hawkeye, You played abroad. Whit wis it like?" asked the ex Junkie. "Heap good" replied the Linwood born Redskin: "But it be heap little things that I liked. You know what they call Buckfast in Paris?" McLaren shook his head. "Buckvite" said Hawkeye. McLaren laughed. "Buckvite? What did they call MD 20/20?" Hawkeye looked solemn. "Me heap not know. Me never went into Haddows"


A commotion was taking place in the board room at the Shyboy Excelsior. "We have conclusive evidence that the result of this game was fixed" Stated SPL supremo Sum Guy. "What?!" yelled Don Diego Del La Varga: "How dare you, you son of an Ass!! The unknown SPL official continued: "I may be the son of an Ass, but if this allegation is proven you will be thrown out of the football league - FOREVER!!!!"


Well? Have BRRFC been guilty of match fixing? How is Neil Lennon fairing as a caged animal fit only for tourists to gawp at as he paws his nether regions? At what point will I even up the scores by taking the p1ss out of Rangers?

Keep reading-------Brigadoon Rovers!!!

Editorial Team

Ger Harley (
Vanderhogg (