Mickey Finn woke up. The air in the fetid hostel made him wretch. His
scabby skinned room mate, Wee Jocky McScabies, was up already. Speaking over his shoulder, McScabies said: "Awright Mickey. Ye doon at the Rovers the day?" Mickey glanced at wee Jocky. "Feck that" He said" I'm feckin gaspin fur a livener. Have ye got any Special left for the love of God?"
Wee Jocky turned to him and said: "Sorry Wee Man. The four stars all finished. I can do you a half gallon of deisel though" Finn turned back to the sh1tty wall. Speaking more to himself than his roommate Finn said: "Never mind Wee Jocky. I need to keep a clear head
today. I'm playing for my life the day"
to the mystery individual. Finegan Swake stroked its horsey face. He explained to the perplexed manager: "I learned horse talk in Malawi when I went backpacking" Docherty got up from the ground, his @rse caked in sh1te as usual and offered his thanks: "Thanks Son. You saved my life. You're a hero"
"I'm afraid not" Said a frail voice. Simon Weisenthal stepped forward "This boy is a descendant of the long thought vanished horse talkers of Northern Whitburn". He grasped Swakes hand: "My boy - it's a
privilege to meet you" The torn faced ex-student replied: "Mutual I'm sure. But I'm really here to meet - MY FATHER!" Docherty cringed as yet another result of a long forgotten liaison came back to haunt him. He stammered: "It's true son. I shouldn't have been tempted but
your mother would never have remembered" Finegan yelled: "She was 97 years old, you filthy beast. She believed all your silver tongued fancies and tall tales. You were living the high life with that strumpet - media starlet and page 3 stunna Titsy Slapper but, oh no, that wasn't enough. You had to seduce a 97 year old deaf, blind, virgin Alzheimer's sufferer!" Docherty blushed: "True son. True. But you have to remember she never said no"
"Did I mention that she's mute?!" The outraged bastrd
continued " Who do you think you are? Craig Brown?" Weisenthal interjected: "Look everyone. We have the first team trials in five minutes. Let's get on with that and sort this out later". The reunited father and son shrugged. "Okay" said Finegan Swake "But he's got some explaining to do"
"Curses!" Screamed the apparitious resemblance of Littlejohn " Do better next time Hitler or Daddy's going to Toftir. Understand?" Hitler nodded "Jah. I vill not fail you next time, Master" The ghostly version of the Sun tw@t vanished
Mickey Finn was warming up in the dressing room. "In the name of feckin christ, can ye not give me a feckin drink?" He drawled in his broad Irish brogue. Aggie Fitzsimmons, replacement and sister in law of
murdered tea lady Maisie McStrocher, shook her head. "Mr Docherty said I wisnae tae share it with anyone. Especially you, Finn. And if you don't mind I'm off to remove my nail varnish in peace." Finn disappointedly slumped on the dressing room bench. Docherty entered the room. "Okay boys" he began " Today I'm casting my eye over the fringe players in the squad. Senor Del La Vega has imposed strict financial controls on the club and some of you will be leaving. It's up to you to impress me and stay in a job" A warm feeling heated Finn's pants while the tell tales smell of urine could be detected: "I'm fecked" He sighed. Docherty leaned over and whispered: "Mickey son, you're the greatest talent of your generation. Unfortunately you've used that talent to drink furniture polish. Get out there and show me what you can do. You owe it to yourself, Dr Christian Barnard, Titsy Slapper and possibly the club accountant" Mickey stood up, slowly and a little unsteadily. "You're feckin roit" He slurred "Oi'll do it for me. And Oi'll do it FOR THE ROVERS!!!"
Will Mickey Finn play himself back into the first team? Will Docherty and newfound son Finegan Swake make up? Will Titsy Slapper appear? Will I stop ending episodes with questions?
All will be revealed in the next episode:
Brigadoon Rovers X - Rovers- The Next Generation