Brigadoon Rovers Chapter IIX
|(Brigadoon Rovers first league game of the season hangs in the balance as fans of the story rush to vote. Meanwhile Nazi midfield General, Kurt Hitler, languishing in a Dutch prison, has been visited by the spirit of Richard Littlejohn and blackmailed into assassinating manager Alex Docherty. The story continues. Now read on.....)|
The ball trundled along the line as Hugh Dallas looked on perplexed. He ran over to his previously untrained linesman, Finegan Swake. Dallas asked: "Well Son. Was it a goal or wasn't it?" Finegan started: " Well Hugh I think it was...." Just then a figure in a diamante cape and eye patch stepped onto the pitch and said: "I demand el game is stopped right now! My name is Don Diego del la Vega" He proclaimed " And I have just completed the purchase of Raith Rovers Football Club!" He turned to Hugh Dallas and Finegan to say: "I have decided, when I am not tormenting bulls, goats and donkeys, to merge the two clubs which I own!" He paused to smack a passing Ass. Big June smiled coyly and said: "Cheeky!" Del la Vega winked at June and said: "From now on they will be known as Brigadoon Rovers Rovers!" Hugh Dallas had had enough and blew hard on his whistle: " In that case I declare the winners are BRIGADOON ROVERS ROVERS!!"
"Great win" said Big June to junkie athlete Wullie McScm: "By the way Wullie, whit happened tae Zorro in the last 15 minutes?" McScm pulled off a sock, sniffed it and replied: "Ah know Big Wummin. He disappeared just before the hotly disputed goal that never wis. An that." The Possil opiate injector paused to gather mucus in his mouth, spitting thick phlegm onto the hallowed Shyboy turf before continuing: " I didnae know that rocket wae the eyepatch owned the club". Hawkeye wandered over to say: "Him heap big dodgy foreign investor. Him turn Boghead into AquaWorld. Dumbarton now water polo team"
McScm by name son of scm by nature
Kurt Hitler lurked in the car park, waiting for an opportunity to put his plan into action. A police equestrian unit occluded the view of where Docherty and his players would emerge. An echoing voice sounded in Hitlers ears: "Use the horse Kurt, Use the horse" The Aryan athlete whispered: "Ist that you Littlejohn?" "This is your chance Kurt" the pasty apparition whispered: "Kill him now!" At that moment, the tough talking manager of Brigadoon RoversX2 emerged from the door of the main stand. "Now!" the ghostly Littlejohn screamed. Hitler jumped and grabbed the police horses tail. The horse bolted toward the fat bastrd, neighing in a mad way, its mane flying in the wind, Docherty caught like a rabbit in headlights as the equine death beast bore down upon him.
"Nooooo!!!" Screamed Docherty "Adidas!! You're not an only child" The bosses daughter, clad in Nirvana T-short, baggies and braids looked up. " Look after Finegan Swake for me!" roared the doomed boss as iron shod slaughter prepared to roll over him. "Oh I'll look after him alright" the black attired semi-minger said "I'll look after him. FOREVER!!"
To be continued......
Will Dochery survive the latest in a continuous line of ill-conceived assassination attempts? Has the ultra-fertile footballing legend notched up another conquest? What did Adidas' cryptic comment mean? Is anyone still reading this?
Next Episode - Brigadoon Rovers IX - And They Called him the Irish Rover.
Ger Harley (firstname.lastname@example.org)