Questions, Questions

Always at the cutting edge of football journalism (Are you sure? - Ed), Scottishfitba.net uses its legendary investigative skills to pose questions to Scotland’s leading football personalities – and Chick Young - that all fans are looking for answers to. This week -Just why did the chicken cross the road? Here’s what they had to say (allegedly):

Martin O’Neill – Well, to be perfectly honest for a moment and I really mean this, I’m perfectly happy here at Celtic and I’m not even thinking about joining the chicken crossing the road. Hang on - is that Martin Edwards on the telephone?

Alex McLeish – I did speak to the wee chicken’s agent but that’s all it was, just a chat. I mean Dick Advocaat signed more than enough turkeys here last year and, at the end of the day, we don’t need any more fowlers at Ibrox.

Craig Levein – Obviously I would have loved to be in a position to offer the chicken a contract but at a time when wage bills have to be cut there just wasn’t money in the budget. But I’m always looking to improve the team and I’ve got my eye on a couple of eggs we could take on a trial basis.

Bobby Williamson I’m looking for players who can do a job but the chicken was far too skilful for my team, especially on the ‘wing’.

Craig Brown
– Well, what you’ve got to remember is that Scotland just doesn’t produce the same quality of chicken that it used to. We’re only a small nation after all and I think the chicken merely realised its limitations and duly crossed to the other side.

Sir Alex Ferguson – What you’ve got to ask is not why did the chicken cross the road but why was it given so much time? I mean where the hell did the referee get all that stoppage time from? Not only that but the chicken was clearly in an offside position when it made the cross. There’s no doubt in my mind that it was a fowl (That’s enough chicken jokes – Ed)

Chris Robinson
– I think it’s clear the chicken has had enough of the two farmers trying to rule the roost (This is your final warning – Ed). It’s time for the chicken to stand up and be counted and to show it can go it alone. I understand there are 104 reasons why the chicken crossed the road and, in my eyes, they’re all legitimate.

Chick Young – Heh, heh, hehhhhh, BBC Scotland was the first station to reveal the chicken was considering a move across the road and, yet again, we were first with the big story. I understand the chicken will tonight sign a two year deal which keeps it across the road – another blow for Scottish football.

Peter Marr – Listen, that chicken crossed the road without any intimidation whatsoever. And anyone who wants to argue with that can meet me round the back of the stand after. What are you looking at????

Eddie Thompson – Well, what we’re looking for at Tannadice is a young, spring chicken, one who can drive Dundee United forward morning, noon and night. A bit like that other Scottish institution – McCall’s…

Terry Butcher
Yeah, obviously the chicken crossed the road so it could sign on at the jobcentre down the street. Nineteen players followed it. But, on the positive side, think of the wages Motherwell have saved. And I’ll be able to get ‘cheaper’ chicken in the First Division next season.

Jim Jefferies – Well, we’ve been talking to the chicken for some time now with a view to persuading it to not only cross the road but also to head down the next road to Rugby Park. With Gary McSwegan, Stevie Fulton, Jose Quitongo and Gary Locke already here, I’m looking to rebuild the 1999 Hearts team that took a few stuffings……

(You’re fired – Ed)


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Ger Harley (ger@scottishfitba.net)
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